Thoughts

[43/365] Back Home

Bangtan is dropping You Never Walk Alone in another half an hour so I thought I’d better get today’s post out of the way first. I’m back in the university now – goddamn the cafeteria food is still spicy as all hell – and after cleaning around a bit, it feels more like home than my old room at the house ever did. I’ve always been more partial to staying out on my own, being independent and all that jazz. I think by the time I’ve got a stable career and my own roof over my head, I probably wouldn’t be going home very often. When I lived in Cambridge, I never called my parents. I never initiated the Skype call – it was always my mum, and on the days when I was too busy or my laptop wasn’t signed in to Skype she’d sent me dozens of emails asking if I was okay, why wasn’t I picking up, what’s wrong with me. Coming home to see thirteen-odd missed calls on Skype used to make me really anxious and I hated it. Probably contributed to my breakdown too.

Nowadays I don’t call except to let them know if I was coming home on weekends. I think once I start working and living my own, I probably won’t call much at all. Probably once every month or something. It’s sad and it makes me feel like a shitty person who doesn’t give a damn about her own family, but I’ve always been the kind of person who doesn’t need much human interaction to survive. Do I get lonely? Yeah, but I’ve gotten used to it. I’ve gotten used to people not paying me any mind and going about my business by my own lonesome, so sometimes it surprises me that someone actually cares about my well-being and whereabouts.

That’s the bare truth of it, I suppose. I’m not used to people caring about me. People never have, so when some do now, I don’t know how to react favourably to it. In turn, I’m unable to properly show people that I care about them too. I’m far from the most caring person in the room, but there are a handful of people that I genuinely look out for, and letting them know that I care about them is hard. I never know how to do that, because I learn from example, and I’ve never had people show me that they cared.

I’m broken in a way, but that’s fine. I was never a fan of perfection anyhow.

Anyway! On to more pleasant things. Bangtan is dropping a new music video for their title track and also the new album, which is something I’m super excited for because Not Today sounded like a fabulous banger and I am psyched to hear it. Also: Outro: Wings full version? Fuck yeah.

Also I only got to listen to Ed Sheeran’s new song from his upcoming album and wow, I like it a lot. I didn’t like the previous album much because the departure from x‘s sound was too big for me – that small-time, heartfelt Irish feel was gone and was replaced by this mainstream mediocrity, and I wasn’t a big fan. Shape Of You was very reminiscent of debut-era Sheeran, and I’m much looking forward to the new album that’s slated for release next month.

There seems to be a lot of interesting things coming this month and the next, not least Sheeran’s new album and B.A.P’s FROM NOIR, which I’m guessing is a repackaged version of NOIR. There’s a lot of talk about how TS Entertainment is fucking over B.A.P again, what with the non-stop activities and another world tour in the works after they’d just finished their Japan tour earlier this month (and a massive world tour just last year), and with no updates on Bang Yongguk’s health, fans are understandably upset. Hell, I’m upset.

It’s a mess. I’ll probably write a post about this whole issue once there’s more information about the world tour and an official statement from TS Entertainment and also B.A.P, but at the moment there’s only the resentment of the fans to go by and that’s not a very reliable source of information. It’s always a good idea to look at things from both perspectives, and unfortunately at the moment there’s only one.

Til next time.

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