[32/365] Broken Dreams

It’s the first of February, marking an entire month of Bergamot and Vanilla and already I’ve broken a few of my resolutions! I’ve been making posts daily for the past month, but the quality is uneven and inadequate at times – honestly, what kind of post is “wordless days”? I’ve got nothing to say? True, but the whole point of forcing oneself to write daily is to churn out ideas constantly, or to at least force yourself to do something like that. Saying outright that I haven’t got anything to say for the day feels like an admission of defeat, because it’s not supposed to be that way. What does it mean when I don’t have anything to say? It means I haven’t been thinking, I haven’t been using my head enough, I haven’t been contemplating things, I haven’t been creative. It means I’m not doing anything, and that’s not exactly something I should be doing.

February’s goal, then, is to reduce the number of “wordless days” post to a bare minimum of two, since I made about three (or four, I’m not sure) of them for January. It’s not right to have nothing to say, I feel. I’m just repeating myself at this rate, but then again some things are worth repeating.

I haven’t gone on a jog since that first time I did earlier in January, either. To be fair it’s mainly because it’s the semester break and no one in the house is particularly keen on driving me all the way to the stadium just for a jog – we live in the suburbs and despite my age my parents still won’t let me head out anywhere on my own, and I don’t have a license. I’m going to start jogging again when the semester starts, starting with a campus-wide trek to put up those ad posters.

I’m almost looking forward to the new semester, mostly because I’m bored as fuck at home. I’ve been doing nothing but reading and writing these past two weeks, and while I’m all about that literary appreciation life it does chafe a bit, especially when I’m the kind of person who likes being on the move and being busy with things. That said, I’ll inevitably miss home once it’s time to start waking up at the crack of dawn again, so let it be, I say. It’ll come when it comes.

For now, I’ll just try and enjoy what’s left of my free time (which isn’t a lot at all, only ten days at that).

Til next time.


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